oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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