It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
