Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
