I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
