I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
