oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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