He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
