well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
