She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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