I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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