Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
