six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
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Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
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My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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