i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
