I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
