just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
