you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize