Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
