I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm just crazy horny about you
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
