Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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