What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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