the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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