I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
