There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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