my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
