I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize