i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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