I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
