Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
