Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I wish there were birth control emojis
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
