oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
