she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
