His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
