she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize