I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Randomize
