Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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