I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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