I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
