Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
