So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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