yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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