I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
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