I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
