she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
