She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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