Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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