She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I need a beard to bite.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
