I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
