Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
