Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
