You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
PANTIES FOUND
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
