i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
