I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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