and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
