Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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