The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
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Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
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I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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