You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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