i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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