i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
