I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
