i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
