Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
