Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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