You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
