I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
