no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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