I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
