My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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