put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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