i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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