It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
