I need help removing her.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Randomize
