Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
