Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
