I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize
