well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
