ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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