I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
