sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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