Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
