Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
