you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
