i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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