Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
