I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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